nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
