Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
