so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
