Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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