it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize