your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
