don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
