We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
