Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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