Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
