do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
