I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
