i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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