when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
