he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
