i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
