You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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