K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
