your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My pussy is not your playground.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
