Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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