i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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