My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
