turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
