I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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