shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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