Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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