Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
