I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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