Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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