he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
