You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck me I smell like cheese
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
