my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
