Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
