There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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