She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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