My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
