in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
