i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
