and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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