K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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