I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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