You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
