omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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