Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
