Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
