How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
