The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
