well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
