Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
