so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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