we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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