when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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