just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
