I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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