I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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