i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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