I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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