dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
