im about as happy as oj after his trial
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
