So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
