HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
