ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
