I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
