Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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